“Mom, what’s for dinner?” I need to remember to put John’s uniform in the wash.

“Mom, can I play on my iPad?” Should I cook the chicken or the ground beef tonight?

“Mom, she took my stuffie from me!” I can’t forget to make that doctor’s appointment! What time is it? I wonder if they are still open.

“Mom, I’m hungry!” Should I brave Costco or use Instacart?

“Mom, I’m thirsty!” Oh, I forgot to drop off Sarah’s form for summer camp! I cannot believe I forgot again!

“Mom, Patrick pooped and he stinks so bad!” Shoot! I forgot to get diapers! I should add that to the grocery list. Maybe there is one in the diaper bag.

MOM, WHAT’S FOR DINNER?!”

If this typical scene makes you want to laugh, cry, or fills you with anxiety, you are in the trenches, my friend!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and it is also the month we celebrate mothers. Becoming a mother is a time many are told is a special life event filled with joy, excitement, and fulfilment. Whether you’re a woman who has gone through additional hardships in your journey to become a mother, or whether you’re an adoptive, foster, or spiritual mother, we all have this picture-perfect image of motherhood. But for many, this time can be filled with uncertainty, fear, anxiety, and resentment resulting from the big changes and potential lack of support. If you have felt this way caring and being maternal for others, you are not alone!

Common Challenges of Maternal Mental Health

How many times have you filled out those questionnaires at the doctor’s office conservatively in order “not to seem crazy” or “not to deal with the issues”? Maternal Mental Health has worsened in the last few years, and it seems like it is getting more difficult to find your village.

Yet having that support is more important than ever with the decline in mental health and the pressures felt by many mothers to be high achievers in all areas of their life. 1 in 5 women experience mental health disorders during or after their pregnancy. I’m willing to bet that peri- and post-partum mental health disorders are underreported and underevaluated.

There are many factors that affect maternal mental health including hormones, social changes, role changes, birth experience trauma, and disappointed expectations.

Common demands that mothers face today include being the default parent and making every decision for every person in your family about every.little.thing…; revenge procrastination, which includes doom scrolling and staying up after everyone goes to bed soaking up the only “me time” you can find; and overstimulation, after hearing “Mom” at least 500 times a day (usually more often) and being overcome with rage because you just can’t handle the noise and feeling out-touched.

You. Need. A. Break. And most importantly, you deserve a break.

You may be thinking to yourself, if I take a break, everything will fall apart. It can be very frustrating to take an afternoon to yourself, just to come back to the house and find toys everywhere, dishes piling up in the sink, dirty clothes overflowing in the laundry baskets, and your spouse sitting on the couch scrolling on their phone. You walk past the chaos and go hide in your room to disconnect for a minute and calm down, yet you may struggle to relax because you are anxious to survey the damage. You are incredibly exhausted from being the manager of the family and are burnt out from constantly giving directions. You are clinging onto hope that someone in your family will wake up and just realize what needs to be done without expecting you to either do it, or tell them it needs to get done. If this feels familiar, these may be signs that your mental health is taking a hit.

When should you seek professional help

If you are exhausted, burned out, have lost joy in your motherhood, or if you are wondering if it’s more than just being a tired mom, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do I procrastinate going to bed at night in order to have more time to myself after my family goes to bed?
  • Do I dread waking up in the morning to take care of my family?
  • Have I neglected taking care of myself, including my health and basic needs?
  • Do I carry anger and resentment towards my spouse and/or my situation?
  • Has communication worsened between my spouse and myself?
  • Do I lose my patience often with my family?
  • Do I have intrusive thoughts about harming my children or myself?
  • Do I have thoughts of running away?
  • Do I carry shame and regret for how I react when I am stressed or overwhelmed?
  • Do I feel like I am a terrible mother/spouse?
  • Do I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself or my identity?

One of the best ways to get support and a much-needed break is finding a therapist to meet you where you are and hold space to process all the feelings that are bubbling up in your chest that you keep swallowing down in order not to lose it on your family.

How Heartspace can support you

Believe it or not, therapy is a great way to manage your overstimulation and overwhelm!

If you answered “yes” to at least 4 of these questions, that could be a sign your mental health needs a check-up. Taking some time for yourself may feel counterintuitive because you may be wondering how you can take more time away from your family, but it actually helps you gain more time in the long run with a well-curated plan you’d create with one of our therapists.

The first therapy session would begin with an assessment of what you’re noticing and experiencing, exploring where, how, and when you need support, and if you need additional medical assistance. I would typically recommend individual therapy at first to allow you time for yourself to have the space to process your emotions, feel encouragement, and create a plan to address your specific needs.

Another option for therapy could include couples therapy to help you and your spouse learn more positive and effective communication tools, and how to work together as a team supporting each other as you are raising your family.

Family therapy is also a great option, especially for moms with older children to help develop a plan for setting healthy boundaries in the family, establishing positive and effective communication, and incorporating routines that support and meet the needs of each family member so it’s not all on mom.

Remember, you are not alone and you absolutely do not have to do this alone! If you have been hesitating to take that step to care for your mental health, I hope I can assure you of the support we can offer you here at Heartspace.

We are all moms ourselves who understand the value of taking a moment for yourself to discuss your emotions, give you a space to feel seen and heard, and build tools and a plan to support and take care of yourself and therefore, your family as well.

Call or text us at 321-345-9129 and one of our team members will be happy to set up a free consultation phone call to give you a chance to connect with a therapist and ask any questions about the process. You can also schedule online here. Happy Mother’s Day!